Shermy's Revenge
by StoryMaker the Echidna
Summary: Shermy's tired of being a personalitiless nobody, and he'll do anything to change the situation, - even using some dangerous (well, sort of...) interdimensional technology! A melodrama-free, romance-free, nonviolent, good ol' Peanuts fan fic that is VERY goofy. Enjoy and God bless.
1. Chapter 1

Just to clarify: the following story is meant to be ~GOOFY.~ Not melodramatic! Don't imagine it as a melodramatic story!

Oh, and, here's a big surprise: _PEANUTS_ IS NOT COPYRIGHT ME! It's copyright United Feature Syndicate, I think. Charlie Brown, Linus, Shermy, etc. etc. are _Peanuts_ characters (what a relevation!) and are NOT copyright me. Aren't I full of surprises...

* * *

"Hi, Linus," said Charlie Brown, walking down the street.

"Hi, Charlie Brown," said Linus.

"Where's your blanket?" asked Charlie Brown.

"Shermy took it," said Linus.

"…WHAT?" said Charlie Brown.

"He seemed to really want it, and I didn't really care, so I just let him have it…"

Charlie Brown's jaw hung agape. "YOU…LET…HIM…"

"What's all the stress about, Charlie Brown? What's the big deal?" said Linus.

"What day is it?" said Charlie Brown. "April Fool's Day, right? Ha ha ha…"

"No…it's December 15th," said Linus, blinking. "Why? What's so shocking?"

"WHAT'S SO SHOCKING?" Charlie Brown said. "Linus, you can't LIVE without that blanket!"

"I can't?" Linus said. "Oh, yeah…I guess I can't…" Linus shrugged. "Oh, well. I guess I can now. …Why are you looking at me in disbelief?"

"Oh, good grief! This is unbelievable!" Charlie Brown walked off. Just then, he remembered something.

_December 15th…tomorrow is Beethoven's birthday…I haven't seen Schroeder around…_

Charlie Brown went off to find him in order to confirm that at least _some_one was acting normally that day.

He found him eating a hot dog.

"Schroeder," Charlie Brown said, "Why aren't you reminding everyone that Beethoven's birthday is tomorrow?"

"Beethoven's birthday is tomorrow?" Schroeder asked, blinking.

"AUUURRRGHHH!" Charlie Brown said, running off.

_Maybe at least Lucy is acting like her normal self!_ Charlie Brown thought desperately.

"_LUCY!"_ shouted Charlie Brown, running up to the aforementioned girl.

"Hi, Charlie Brown," said Lucy.

"Hey, did you know that Linus gave his blanket to Shermy today? Isn't that wild?" Charlie Brown said.

"Hmm? Oh. Interesting," Lucy said.

"…You don't care?" said Charlie Brown.

Lucy shrugged. "Doesn't sound very important to me."

There was a pause.

"Yeah, well…Schroeder forgot that tomorrow was Beethoven's birthday! Isn't that _weird?_" Charlie Brown said.

"Hmm…huh? Oh, I guess…" Lucy said.

"Don't you care that Schroeder doesn't care about Beethoven anymore?" Charlie Brown asked desperately. "Now he might finally pay attention to you!"

"Hmm? Oh, I guess that's nice…but I don't really care…" said Lucy.

"AAUUURRRGGHHH!" said Charlie Brown. "No one's acting normally today!" he shouted.

Just then, a thought entered Charlie Brown's mind. _Linus mentioned something about Shermy taking his blanket…_

"Hey, Lucy, have you seen Shermy today?" Charlie Brown asked.

"Yeah," said Lucy.

"What was he doing?" asked Charlie Brown.

"Oh, he threw a cardboard box over my head. That's all," Lucy said.

"…He threw a box over your head?" Charlie Brown asked, blinking.

"Oh, and I felt a little different after he put it on, but it was no big deal…"

Charlie Brown instantly ran up to Schroeder. "Schroeder! Did Shermy throw a box on your head today?"

"…That's a weird question," said Schroeder.

"Well, DID HE?" Charlie Brown repeated.

"You know, actually, he did-"

Schroeder had barely finished his sentence before Charlie Brown ran up to Linus.

"Before he stole your blanket, Linus, did Shermy throw a box on your head?" Charlie Brown asked.

"Um…yeah, actually…"

"Where's Shermy now?"

"Right over there…"

Charlie Brown looked that way…and he could hardly believe his eyes.

There was Shermy. He was desperately clinging Linus' blanket with one hand, and with the other hand, he was tapping on Schroeder's toy piano. All the while, he was saying things like, "Oh, Beethoven isn't that great! Why do I like Beethoven and I don't like me? And this blanket I'm carrying is stupid! I'm such a baby!"

Charlie Brown stared.

"...Shermy?" Charlie Brown gaped.

Shermy looked at Charlie Brown. "What's wrong, Charlie Brown? You look like the proverbial Piano Sonata No. 5 in C Minor! By the way, could you please get me a sandwich, Charlie Brown? I wouldn't want to have to beat you up! Oh, yeah, I almost forgot -" Shermy ran behind a tree, grabbed a cardboard box, ran up to Charlie Brown, and dropped it on his head.

"NO!" Charlie Brown shoved it off quickly, knocking Shermy over. "I need to know what's going on!"

"Nothing! I just wanted to put that box on your head!" Shermy said.

"Why?"

"Then again, maybe I won't," said Shermy. "Maybe I'll just play my piano...but what's the big deal about Beethoven, anyway?...Hey, did you know Beethoven's birthday is tomorrow?...Oh, I'll destroy this stupid blank - NO! DON'T HURT MY BLANKET! I can't LIVE without it!" Shermy said.

While Shermy was going on with this schizophrenic tirade, Charlie Brown investigated the cardboard box. _It looks just like a normal cardboard box,_ he said. But on one side, he found it was labeled "PeRsonaLiTifier". Beneath the word was a cardboard arrow, and just above that were two options: "Absorb PerSonaLitY" and "ADD PerSoNality TO TArGeT", and to the right a button was draw on the machine.

"There's no way this does anything! It's just a cardboard box!" Charlie Brown said. "I think everyone's playing a trick on me? Why does everyone hate me? THIS ISN'T FUNNY!" he yelled.

"I know it's not funny, Charlie Brown. But it is pretty funny that your head is like a big rubber ball! I think I'll watch my cowboy program - no! I must focus on playing!" Shermy ranted.

_Wow, _thought Charlie Brown. _I can't believe Shermy's acting so ridiculous! He's normally just cool about most things, and not that dramatic...almost personalitiless...and I can't believe Linus would give up his blanket...and that Schroeder would forget about Beethoven's birthday...and that Lucy would act so...unLucylike..._

As he was thinking this, he observed Shermy's multiple personalities battling for supremacy. "Nyah nyah! I got my blanket! NO! Give it back! I'm going to rip - NO! Why am I wasting time with this? Why aren't I playing my piano?"

Charlie Brown rolled his eyes. "I can't believe it!" he said. "Why would people go to such great lengths just to annoy me? EVERYONE HATES ME!" He sighed deeply. But then, he eyed the cardboard box again...

_Maybe...just maybe..._

With a sigh, Charlie Brown tossed the cardboard box over the ranting, raving Shermy pointed the cardboard arrow to "Absorb PerSonaLitY" and tapped the drawing of a button. To his surprise, it made a "boink" sound for no apparent reason. Still, he thought, _There's no way this is going to do anything...I'm so stupid._

At that moment, Shermy shoved the box off of himself. "Hey, I'd better make me a sandwich, or I'll rip my blanket to shreds! Gulp! Fine! I'll make me a sandwich!" he was babbling.

"Um...Shermy, don't you want to play your piano?" Charlie Brown asked.

"Huh? Who do you think I am, Schroeder?" Shermy said. Then, he continued his ranting and walked toward the Van Pelts' house to make himself a sandwich.

_This must be a big joke, _Charlie Brown sighed. Nonetheless, he walked over to Schroeder, who was in the progress of playing a perfectly boring game of marbles with Linus and Lucy. He dropped the box on Schroeder's head just as he was about to flick a shooter, pointed the cardboard arrow to "ADD PerSoNality TO TArGeT", and tapped the button. _Boink._ He lifted the cardboard box up. Schroeder seemed a bit dazed.

"Are you going to shoot, Schroeder? I mean, I know it's probably distracting to have someone drop a box on your head, but still," Linus said.

Schroeder shook his head vigorously. "Why am I playing marbles when tomorrow is Beethoven's birthday? I need to prepare!" He ran off. "HEY! Where's my toy piano!" he said, a murderous look in his eyes.

"As far as I know, it's in the general vicinity of Shermy...over that way," Charlie Brown said.

"Shermy? Oh, yeah...he dropped a cardboard box on me, and..." Schroeder scratched his head. "Wait a minute...what's going on? It's like...I lost all my personality traits briefly, and they only returned when you dropped the cardboard box on me again...this doesn't make any sense! I guess I'm coming down with something!" He shook his head and left. As he was walking off, Charlie Brown heard him say, "Maybe if I'm sick, I'll go deaf like Beethoven..." He didn't seem sad about it, either.

_Maybe everyone _is _playing a trick on me, but it seemed to work...and I'm sick of Lucy and Linus acting like personalitless Shermy clones..._ He sighed and walked back over to Shermy.

To his dismay, Shermy was on the Van Pelts' doorstep, talking to Mrs. Van Pelt. "But MOM! I need to make me a sandwich or *heh heh* I'll DESTROY my blanket! WAAHH! I'll die! I need a sandwich NOW!" Shermy was saying.

"Wha wha wha, wha wha wha wha, whaaa," Mrs. Van Pelt said, which sounded to everyone in _Peanuts _like, "I am not your mother! What are you doing with my son's blanket? And why do you want to go into MY house to make a sandwich?"

"Um...ha ha...that's just my 'friend' being silly!" Charlie Brown said, dragging Shermy off.

"NOO! Now I'll destroy my stupid, precious blanket and won't get a sandwich!" Shermy ranted.

"Oh, quiet down!" Charlie Brown said, shoving the cardboard box on Shermy, setting it to "Absorb PerSonaLitY", and tapping the button twice, so both personalities were absorbed.

"Whuhhg...HEY! What did you do THAT for?" Shermy cried as Charlie Brown removed the box.

"Why? Did you LIKE acting like you have schizophrenia?" Charlie Brown asked.

"If it means I'm a main character, YES!" Shermy said. "By the way, 'schizophrenia' isn't actually where someone has multiple personalities - that's just called 'multiple personality disorder'. Schizophrenia is something else entirely."

"Since when were you so smart?" Charlie Brown asked.

"Well, I'm in second grade!" Shermy said. Charlie Brown rolled his eyes.

"Anyway," said Shermy, "I'd be much obliged if you gave me those personalities back, Charlie Brown...thanks!" He lunged toward the cardboard box.

"HEY! Wait a second! Tell me why you're doing this!" Charlie Brown said.

"Well, isn't it obvious? I have no personality, Charlie Brown, and I'm sick and tired of it! Now I'm as obscure as the computer game JumpStart The Greatest Show on Earth! I NEVER appear! I NEVER do anything interesting!" He was waving his arms. "It's all because of stupid characters with personality, Charlie Brown...like Schroeder, Linus, and Lucy! They push me out of the spotlight! I've been driven from brilliant stardom to profound obscurity - because of THEM! GRRR! I hate them! But now, I managed to reverse the situation...and YOU reversed it back!" He tackled Charlie Brown.

"Hey! Don't - OW! OW!" said Charlie Brown. He managed to shove his foe off. "Wait! I'll make you a deal!"

"_What?_" Shermy growled.

"If I can give the Van Pelts their personalities back, I...I'll give you _my _personality!" he said, not thinking the offer would be worth much to Shermy - why would anyone want to be _him?_

"Wh...?" Shermy looked at Charlie Brown wistfully. "Oh, CHARLIE BROWN!" Tears flowed down his cheeks and he embraced Charlie Brown in a warm hug. "Oh, BLESS your kind soul, Charlie Brown! You wouldn't, would you? You wouldn't...you would actually make ME the MAIN CHARACTER? Oh, my dear soul, what a lovely revelation!"

"I...had no idea my personality was so...so _desirable,_" Charlie Brown said, shocked. "Could you stop squeezing me?" he said in a tiny voice.

"Huh? Oh, OK," Shermy said. "Whatever you say, good ol' Charlie Brown!" Shermy grinned from ear to ear. "Good ol' Charlie Brown! Good ol' Charlie Brown!"

Charlie Brown couldn't help but smile. "Th-th-th...thanks, Shermy!" he said, trembling with joy.

"No problem!" said Shermy. "Just deliver those personalities to their rightful owners and come RIGHT back, OK? No delays, please!"

"Uh, sure, Shermy!"

"Bye!"

Charlie Brown couldn't help but tremble with happiness as he walked to where Lucy and Linus were playing an extremely boring game of marbles. _I can't believe Shermy would so desperately long to be ME! Oh, he's such a PAL now! Oh boy! Oh boy!_

Finally, he made it to the Van Pelts' boring marbles game. Unhesitatingly, he dropped the cardboard box on Linus, set the arrow to the personality-adding setting, and tapped the button. He repeated the process with Lucy.

"THERE!" said Charlie Brown, satisfied. "Now everything will be back to normal!"

The two Van Pelts looked briefly dazed, but after shaking their heads, Charlie Brown was confident normalcy would be restored.

"AUUURGH! Where's my blanket?" Lucy screamed, running around desperately.

"HEY! You never got me my sandwich!" Linus said, running to Lucy, his eyes ablaze.

"Oh NOOOOOOOO!" Charlie Brown said. "I can NEVER do anything right!" He sighed. He'd have to tell Shermy about this...his new friendship would be shattered! He slapped himself repeatedly. "Why can't I be PERFECT?" he yelled at the world.

"You may not be perfect, Charlie Brown, but at least your head is perfectly round!" Linus said nonsensically.

"WHERE'S MY BLANKEEEEEET?" Lucy continued to screech, running frantically.

Ignoring the mixed-up Van Pelts, Charlie Brown depressedly grabbed the cardboard box and dragged it toward Shermy.

"GREAT, Charlie Brown!" said Shermy exuberantly. "Now give me your personality NOW! PLEEEASE!"

"Shermy..." said Charlie Brown, looking at the ground.

"Huh? What happened? Did you lose your personality? It certainly doesn't _look_ like it..."

"No, it's just..." Charlie Brown sighed. "I gave Linus and Lucy _each other's personalities!"_

"Oh, OK," said Shermy. "Could you give me your personality now?"

Charlie Brown was shocked. "...You don't care?"

"Well, why would I?" said Shermy.

Charlie Brown was certainly surprised. Part of him was enthralled. _He's still my pal! He's not bothered at all! YIPEE!_

But another part of him felt otherwise. _The Van Pelts are mixed up...and Shermy doesn't care! What's wrong with him? Is he just so selfish that it doesn't bother him?_

"Alright! Time to give me your personality!" Shermy dropped the box on Charlie Brown's head, enshrouding the melancholy boy in darkness.

"WAIT! What about -" Charlie Brown squeezed out. But before he knew it, it felt as if his brain was being turned inside-out. Suddenly, all the things that defined the essence of who he felt he was - his constant failures...his ravenous, unsatisfied desire to be friends with someone..._anyone_...his unquenchable rage at the kites he could not fly, the balls he could not hit, the chess pieces he could not move in such a way as to bring about victory...it was gone, as if absorbed by a sponge.

"Whaa..." Charlie Brown felt dazed. But more than that, he had a strong feeling that he was..._boring._

"Great!" said Shermy, lifting the box off of Charlie Brown and plopping the box on himself. "You know what to do, Charlie Brown, my good ol' friend!"

"OK," said Charlie Brown, adding his personality to Shermy. He lifted the box off.

"Whuhhg..." Shermy said, rubbing his face. "Uh..." He looked sad.

"What?" asked Charlie Brown.

"It's strange, Charlie Brown...I have your personality...I'm the _main character..._yet, even though this is the best thing that could possibly happen to me...I don't feel very happy!" He sighed. "Ohh, why did I think this would be a good idea? I can't believe I've been so foolish..." He sighed. "Everybody hates me...don't they, Charlie Brown?"

"I don't know," said Charlie Brown. Suddenly, he felt incredibly separated from the traits that had defined him for so long...he would've thought this would be a huge relief...he would've thought he'd be happy...but instead, his emotions consisted of nothing but a vague feeling of existing. "Huh." _I wonder if I can fly a kite now. _he said, but strangely, he found that he didn't care.

"Oh, well, Charlie Brown..." Shermy sighed. "Maybe I'll feel happier later..." He walked off.

"MY BLANKET!" Lucy yelled, running straight past Charlie Brown. "THERE IT- oops!" Her voice dropped to a whisper. "I wouldn't want Linus to find out!" She glanced around, then threw it into her house.

"AHA! There you are!" said Linus, running up. "You STILL haven't made my sandwich, Lucy!" He looked ready to pummel his sister.

"S-sure I'll make your sandwich, Linus!" Lucy said. She ran into her house.

"Well, they're mixed up, alright," Charlie Brown said. "I wonder what their parents will think." _And I wonder what _they _will think if they ever get back to normal._


	2. Chapter 2

*DING DONG*

"Wah wahhhh!" _I'm ho-ome!_ Mr. Van Pelt said.

"Wah! W...ah, wah-wah-wah-wah-wah, wah-wah!" _Oh! Oh...it's...it's so good you're home, honey!_ Mrs. Van Pelt said, her voice exasperated and gasping, her face pale.

Mr. Van Pelt laughed. "Wah wah-wah wah-wah wah wah-wah wah-wah-wah?" _Were the kids driving you up the wall today?_

"Wahhhh...wah wah!" _Well...sort of!_

"Wah wah-wah wha-wha-wha wha-wha wha-wha." _I had a hard day at work, too. Let's sit at the table and have a chat, shall we?_

"Wahh..." _Sure..._

"Wah, wah-wah-wha wha-wha-wha-wha-wha. Wha wha wha _wha _wha?" _Well, you sure seem exasperated, sweetheart! Were the kids _that _bad?_

"Wah...wah wah wah." _Well...in a way._

"Wah, wah-wah-wah-WAH-wah?" _Well, what were they doing?_

"Whaaa..." _Sigh..._ "Wha wha wha wha wha wha..." _You wouldn't believe me..._

"Wha! Wha wha wha wha WHA wha wha-wha-wha WHA-wah-wah!" _Ha! I can imagine those kids getting into anything!_

Mrs. Van Pelt sighed. "Wha...wha wha WHA wha." _Well, if you SAY so._ "Wha...wha wha wha-wha wha wha wha...wha-wha-wha." _Well, it all started at about...4:00._

"You know, this whole talking-like-foghorns thing is funny, dear, but I'm kind of sick of it," Mr. Van Pelt said.

Mrs. Van Pelt sighed. "If you SAY so," she grumbled.

"Why? Do you LIKE it?" asked Mr. Van Pelt, shocked.

"Uhh...I don't know...I just think I sound prettier doing that voice than my normal one..." Mrs. Van Pelt said meekly.

"I don't," Mr. Van Pelt said. "Now, you STILL haven't told me what the kids did that drove you so insane! What was it? What happened?"

"Well..."

"Did you have to wash Linus' blanket and he put up a fuss?"

"No..."

"Was Lucy beating up Linus again?"

"No..."

"Did Linus forget the egg shells again?"

"The igloo project is over, sweetheart!"

"Well, what on earth happened, honey?"

Mrs. Van Pelt sighed. "Well...it all started at aboout 4:00..."

Mr. Van Pelt was a bit annoyed. "You said that already. What did they do?"

Mrs. Van Pelt sighed. "Well...it wasn't so much one _specific _thing, it was...their...general attitude."

"Oh, come ON, Mrs. Van Pelt!"

"I have a first name, Mr. Van Pelt!"

"OK, fine, Evalyn!"

"That's not my name, Roberta!"

"ROBERTA? That's a GIRL's name!"

"OK, _fine,_ Melchizedeck!"

"JUST TELL ME WHAT THE KIDS DID ALREADY!"

"OK, OK! Well, it's just...that...you know...Lucy...acted...pretty strange...and...so...did...Linus..."'

"They ALWAYS act pretty strange!"

"Well, they acted like...each other."

"What?"

"They acted like each other. You know?"

"Um...how so?" Mr. Van Pelt asked.

"Well, they...uhh...you know. Linus acted how Lucy usually acts, and Lucy acted how Linus usually acts. Simply as that."

"Well, how MUCH did they act like each other?" the mister asked, still not understanding.

"They were acting..._just like_ each other. It seemed so...realistic...as if it _wasn't _acting..." Mrs. Van Pelt said.

"Well, then, I guess they'll make it big as actors!" Mr. Van Pelt said. "I don't get the big deal!"

"Well, I couldn't get them to snap out of it!" Mrs. Van Pelt said. "Up to the very end of the day, when Linus _refused _to sleep with his blanket and Lucy _insisted _on taking it to bed!"

"Ha, ha, ha...is it April Fools' Day?"

"It's clear in the middle of _December, _darling!"

"Oh...OK. Huh. That _is..._pretty weird..." Mr. Van Pelt rubbed his forehead. "Hmm. Strange."

"It was the strangest thing!" Mrs. Van Pelt said. "When I woke them up this morning, they acted perfectly normal! But then, starting at about 4:00 and going on to the end of the day, they were the spitting images of each other personality-wise!"

"...Huh," said Mr. Van Pelt. "That's really weird."

"I should say so! They drove me absolutely _bananas!_" Mrs. Van Pelt sighed, exasperated.

"Well, they were probably just playing a joke, and, umm...they'll forget about it in the morning," said Mr. Van Pelt.

"I hope so, dear...I _hope _so."

* * *

"Wow," said Charlie Brown the next morning. (It was Saturday.) "I'm flying a kite perfectly for the first time in my life." He paused. "And I don't care."

He stared at the kite.

"You know, my failure to care is almost _more _annoying than not being able to fly a kite at all," Charlie Brown said. "It's a bit...depressing...except...only vaguely so...and yet...it almost seems worse than how I normally am..."

"Oh, I can't believe this!" Shermy was yelling nearby. "I flew _3_ kites today and ALL of them got stuck in one stupid tree!" He sighed very heavily and leaned his head against the tree.

Charlie Brown felt weird looking at the sight. Part of him wanted to laugh. _Ha, ha, ha...finally, it's happening to YOU and not to ME! _But, then, even having that thought made his stomach churn. He couldn't believe it. He was acting just like...everyone else acted towards...him.

"I WANT MY NORMAL PERSONALITY BACK!" both Shermy and Charlie Brown yelled.

They stared at each other as their desires became one...

Charlie Brown plopped the personalitifier on Shermy's head and used it to absorb the personality that once was his. Then, Shermy plopped the box on Charlie Brown's head and used it to restore him to his normal attributes. (They didn't need to bother transferring Shermy's personality back to Shermy because Shermy simply didn't have a personality.)

"Phew!" said Shermy. "I'm glad to have my normal personality back!"

"You mean your normal _lack _of personality," Charlie Brown said.

"Oh, _yeah,_" said Shermy unhappily. "But don't worry, Charlie Brown...I might just be developing my _own,_ genuine personality shortly!"

"Huh? _How?_" Charlie Brown said.

Shermy grinned broadly. "Well, Charlie Brown, I just happen to know of one very interesting aspect of this Personalitifier - when a personality is 'misplaced', it actually tries to return to its normal host, but is resisted by the brain barrier. This releases waves of _pure personalitifying energy _that can alter and even rapidly develop the personalities of those nearby!"

"You mean..." Charlie Brown said.

"Yep! I'm going to be hanging around with the Van Pelts a lot! See ya!"

"Wait, wait. Wait a minute, Shermy!"

"_What?_"

"You said that the personalities try to return to their normal hosts?"

"Yeah..."

"But they're resisted by the brain barrier..."

"Yeah, they are. They might break through if they're at it long enough."

"Soo...you're saying that the personalitifier's affects wear off?"

"Basically."

"And if they _were _to return to their host, they wouldn't be resisting the brain barrier, so they wouldn't release personalitifying energy...right?"

"Yeah, Charlie Brown. So basically, in order to develop my personality, I'm going to have to keep the Van Pelts' personalities mixed up."

"What!"

"Hey, Charlie Brown, it's no big deal...once I've developed a personality, I'll change them back!"

"But won't they be unhappy that they acted like each other for so long?"

"Yeah, but I don't care. I'm a selfish pig." Shermy screeched with delight. "Oh man! Oh man! I'm SELFISH! That means - I'm developing a personality!"

Charlie Brown stared at Shermy. "You're HAPPY that you're SELFISH?"

"Hey, it's better than being personalitiless! See ya!"

Charlie Brown stared after him.

This was not good at all.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, Charlie Brown," Lucy said.

"Oh. Hi...Lucy."

"Did you hear that they're going to be changing the Christmas play this year?" Lucy shoved her thumb into her mouth as she waited for Charlie Brown's reply.

"Uhh..."

"Apparently," Lucy continued. "They want to incorporate verses from other gospels, or something like that...which is nice and all, but I'd have to memorize a whole new deal than from previous years...you know?"

"Uhh..."

"Why do you say the same thing over an' over, Charlie Brown?"

"Uhh...well, it's just..."

"Oh, Charlie Brown! You're such a loser! Why don't you bother replying properly to a girl every once in a while?" said Lucy angrily.

Charlie Brown stared.

"Lucy...you're acting..."

"What? What? What's your problem with the way I act, Charlie Brown?"

"Nothing, it's just...you're acting...normally!"

"Huh? Wh...? How was I...acting before...?" she said, seeming vaguely disoriented. Then she saw the blanket in her hand. "Wait...a..." She scratched her head.

"WHOOPS - EE - DOO!" Shermy jumped out of a bush nearby and slammed the carboard box over Lucy. "Can't be changing back to your normal personality! Nope! That just won't do!"

"_Shermy!_" Charlie Brown said angrily.

"Now, let's see...how do I renew the personality? What did Calvin's manual say? ...You twist the arrow away from both options and tap the button twice, right? Yeah, I think that's it."

"SHERMY!" Charlie Brown yelled. Shermy didn't pay any attention to him.

"There!" he said, lifting the box up. "Good as new!"

"Whuuhgg..." said Lucy. "What happened? What was I talking about before?"

"The Christmas play!" Shermy said happily, eager to supply Linus-fuel to Lucy's mind.

"Oh, yeah, the Christmas play! You know, now I remember...I think they're changing it to a different version of the Bible...I wonder why they make all these different versions."

Charlie Brown sighed. "I don't know Li...Lu...whoever..." He sighed, then noticed Shermy running off. "Wait a second, Lucy..." He ran after Shermy.

"Where are you going now, Shermy?" said Charlie Brown, sounding grouchy.

"Oh, well, know that I've made sure Linus' personality stays in Lucy, I'm going to make sure Luny's personality stays in Lis...wait..."

"Shermy, why are you doing this?"

"Hm? What do you mean? I already told you, I want a personality!"

"You can't just manipulate people to get what you want!" Charlie Brown said angrily.

"Uh...yeah I can," said Shermy. "I mean, why not?"

"SHERMY! You just can't do this!"

"Ah, well, who's going to stop me? I figure we should all just look out for our own interests, fulfill our own dreams and aspirations...and anyway, if I seem selfish to you, it's not my fault...it's probably just a random consequence of the way the personalitizing energy happens to affect me!" Shermy smiled.

"Good grief, Shermy! You can't possibly believe you're right about all this!" Charlie Brown said.

Shermy shrugged. "Right, wrong...they're all the same to me, Charlie Brown!" He ran all the faster, leaving Charlie Brown in the dust.

Charlie Brown sighed heavily. "I'll never be able to stop him...I need help...too bad everyone hates me." He sighed heavily. Again.

"I need help," said Charlie Brown again. "I really need help. I can't do this on my own..."

It was at that moment that Charlie Brown felt as though he received guidence from heaven...

Suddenly, he remembered..._What was that Shermy said earlier? Calvin's manual!_

* * *

_I know that was short, but I just felt like since it's been a few days since I last updated and it seemed like a fine cut-off point, I thought I might as well upload._

_Thanks to the people who told me Lucy and Linus' actual last name. I would never had known! :)_

_Also, if people are acting out of character, that may be explained later by some side-effects of personalitifying energy. Still, don't stop giving me feedback about character accuracy...I still like to know :)_


	4. Chapter 4

_Calvin's manual._

What Shermy said echoed in Charlie Brown's mind...

_"Now, let's see...how do I renew the personality? What did Calvin's manual say? ...You twist the arrow away from both options and tap the button twice, right? Yeah, I think that's it."_

"The personalitifier has a manual...written by someone named Calvin," Charlie Brown quickly concluded. He smiled. "Maybe it can help me get Lucy and Linus back to normal!" _Yeah, right, _part of his mind said. _You never suceed at anything!_

_Well, I might as well try..._ Charlie Brown thought. _But then I'll just fail! Maybe if I just don't do anything, that'll be better._ But in his heart, he knew that wasn't true. He sighed.

"Alright, I'll just start looking for it," Charlie Brown said in a melancholy voice, walking in the general direction of Shermy's house. As he did so, he thought.

He remembered how things had been mere days ago. He had been more enthralled than he had ever remembered being in his life. It seemed like Shermy was becoming his best friend. But, no. It wasn't meant to be. Now the very thought of being _friends _with _Shermy _was disgusting.

Just as he was walking towards Shermy's domain, he was enveloped in a cloud of dirt and dust. He coughed furiously.

"Hi, 'Pig Pen'," he hacked.

"Hi, Charlie Brown," said the aformentioned boy. "I just wanted to ask if you wanted some bubble gum."

"Um..." Charlie Brown stared. "Well..."

Before Charlie Brown could say, "Not really," 'Pig Pen' continued.

"Here you go, Charlie Brown," he said, spitting a grayish wad of gum into a piece of paper and handing it to Charlie Brown. Dirt flaked from his face and stuck to the candyish substance as he did so.

"Urrghh..." Charlie Brown felt his stomach churn. He looked away, feeling the urge to throw up. But for some inexplicable reason, he looked back at the dirty boy's offering.

He gasped as he saw the text on the paper. It was clearly labeled, in sketchy, childish handwriting, "caLviN'S maNuaL 4 the persoNaLiTifiER".

Charlie Brown instantly snatched the dirty, gummed-up paper from 'Pig Pen's hand. "Thanks, 'Pig-Pen'!" yelled Charlie Brown as he ran off.

'Pig-Pen' stared after Charlie Brown. "He...accepted it..."

It was almost impossible for him to comprehend. "No one _ever _accepts anything from me...but...yet..._wow._"

'Pig-Pen' walked off. He felt his mind blown. He smiled. _Good ol' Charlie Brown! _he thought.

* * *

Disgusted, Charlie Brown held the paper. Trying to keep his stomach under control (which was an extremely difficult feat), he turned the gummy cover and read the first page:

cALviN's PerSonaLitiFier

by CALviN the SUPER GEnius

COpyRiGhT CaLvin THE GrEAT

ALL rights ReSerfd

_Who IS this Calvin person, anyway? _Charlie Brown couldn't help but wonder as he turned the pages.

HOw tO UsE pErSonAlitiFIer

POinT aRrOW to OpTion AND press the ButTon.

_Not useful..._Charlie Brown turned more pages.

ACCOrding to CALvin's GreAt TheOrY of PerSonAlties alL PerSonaLities wiLL tRy 2 REturn 2 ther OriJinel HOSt

Charlie Brown flipped a few more pages, looking for new information.

TruBBle ShooTing SEction

1) WhAt dO I dO iF 2 peOples' perSONalities ARe mixEd uP aNd I waNt tO tuRN them bAcK 2 noRmel?

_This is exactly what I want! _Charlie Brown thought eagerly. But as he read on, he was disappointed.

ASk CAlvIn 4 furTher Info.

"AUUUUGGHH!" Charlie Brown wailed. "I don't know where Calvin is! I don't even have the faintest clue WHO he is!" He sighed. "Good grief..."

Just then, he was filled with determination. "I just _have _to find Calvin! It's the only way to restore Lucy and Linus' personalities! What's the point, though?" he sighed. "I always _fail! _How can I find what to do?"

Charlie Brown thought for a minute. _Well...first, when I didn't know what to do, then I suddenly remembered what Shermy said...and then, when I was hoping to find his manual, 'Pig-Pen' just happened to give it to me! A total coincidence...all my success so far is just dumb coincidence. _He felt melancholy.

_But then again...maybe...maybe someone's looking after me. Maybe it's not a big coincidence. Maybe...maybe..._

He didn't want to allow himself to be so hopeful, but somehow, he just had to have hope. He smiled to himself - maybe he would succeed after all! He then tried to make himself excitedly go on to the next step of "saving" Linus and Lucy, but the problem was...he didn't know what the next step was. He sighed, hopelessness again creeping in. He boredly flipped another page in the mysterious manual.

"Huh?" He flipped another page. And then another. There were several troubleshooting questions-and-answers, but _all _of them had the same "answer" - "ASk CAlvIn 4 furTher Info."

As he was skimming, he boredly read aloud question after question. "What to do if someone has multiple personalities and you want to absorb one in particular...how to absorb all of them...what happens when you add personalities to inanimate objects...how to diversify your 401k with personalities...how to absorb just one personality trait instead of the whole personality...tips on being a successful personality salesman...how many personalities can the personalitifier store at once...what to do when the personalitifer suddenly turns purple... wait..._WHAT?_"

He looked at the question again. "The personalitifer suddenly turns purple?" he exclaimed. "_WHAT?_"

Just then, he read a note right after the "ASk CAlvIn 4 furTher Info": "if THe perSONalitifier PURplfies (turns purpLe), IT siGnifieS a release of perSonalIty-BArriEr-ENerGy thAT mAY slOw pERsonalitY deveLopment, AS shoWN in CLinical REsearch."

Charlie Brown scratched his spherical head. _What does it all mean? _he couldn't help but wonder.

Just then, Shermy ran by, furiously running and looking around. "Hey, Charlie Brown," he said, panting, "You didn't happen to see the manual for the personalitifier, did you?"

"You mean this?" Charlie Brown said.

"YES!" Shermy proclaimed with a gasp, snatching it from Charlie Brown's hands. He flipped through it thoroughly.

"Why do you need it? Did the personalitifier turn purple?" Charlie Brown asked.

Shermy stared at Charlie Brown and gasped. "YES! How did you know?" he cried. "You...you...you didn't SABOTAGE it, did you?"

"Of course not. Why would I do that?" Charlie Brown said, annoyed. "I was just flipping through that book and..."

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why were you flipping through it?" Shermy demanded.

"I... uh... well..." Charlie Brown gulped. "No particular reason!" He ran off as fast as he could, his face burning from his fear and his lie.

From the distance, he heard Shermy say, "Grrr! Thanks to the personality-barrier-energy released, my efforts at developing a personality could be _ruined!_ I need to talk to Calvin right away!"

Just then, something stopped Charlie Brown from running. _Wait... he's going to Calvin now. If I could follow him and find out who this "Calvin" person is and talk to him, I might be able to restore the Van Pelts to normal!_

He gulped. _No, I couldn't do that! If Shermy found out what I was doing, he'd KILL me! And I'd probably fail, anyway._ He became depressed.

But then there was that voice - something, no SOMEONE - urging Charlie Brown to trust in Him and do the right thing, the brave thing...

"I _must _be crazy," Charlie Brown said. He sighed. "But I can't get out of doing this!" he said, looking up to the sky. "I... I... I'll _do_ it!" he said, as if talking to the Greater Power.

Though still extremely nervous and _desperately_ wanting to _not_ do what he was about to do, he tried to gulp down his fear and took several deep breaths to slow his rapidly pounding heart. He was unable to quell his fear, but he simply had no other choice but to do what he knew had to be done. Relunctant, hesitant and nervous, he nonetheless forced himself to run after Shermy.

He had to trust in God, because he could've never guessed what was in store...

* * *

_(Wow! The first chapter in forever, folks...keep the reviews coming!)_


	5. Chapter 5

_OK. So._

_I had retired this story. However, my sisters were not happy about that, so I told them that if anyone (other than them) showed interest in this story continuing, I'd continue it.  
_

_Lo and behold, a little while ago, I got a guest review saying just that. As such, I do indeed plan on continuing this story._

_However, to be honest, I'm not sure I really like where I've gone with it (plus, I actually kind of forgot part of what I was going to do next because I didn't outline this story...heh heh...) and would like to rework it, which might involve editing some previous chapters and such. I might even start over. Probably not from the VERY beginning. But I don't know. When I get some free time, I'll just try to rework it and write some more, 'k? And it'll be good, I hope and pray.  
_

_Now, I have read some slightly more modern _Peanuts _comics, but to be honest, I'm not sure if I'll include many newer characters. Previously I didn't even include Sally (I was reading VERY old comics), but I may put her in. Dunno. Peppermint Patty probably won't appear because 1) I don't think I could get her personality right and 2) I don't actually like her that much. xD Plus, too many characters is too much of a distraction, I think... I just don't know._

___Speaking of getting personalities right...uggh. My portrayals of Lucy and Linus were pretty lame...Ah well. "my BLAaaAaaNKEEET" "give me a SANDWHIIIICH" Yeah. It's really impressive how I portrayed the subtle nuances of their personality, right?  
_

_Weird how Snoopy hasn't appeared yet in this story in any capacity, huh? There's no particular reason for that, other than that I'm just not sure I could get his personality right. He might appear later.  
_

_So yeah. Come back later to see the story reworked and continued (maybe).  
_

_Now, I'd be tempted to just upload this note as the next chapter, BUT FanFiction Dot Net doesn't allow chapters with no story content. Thus, I am also publishing the start of what was _going _to be the next chapter of this story. You can see part of the reason why I know I need to do some reworking..._

* * *

Charlie Brown gulped. He knew he had to do the right thing. But how could he possibly follow Shermy without him noticing?

* * *

Meanwhile, in a different universe, in Gotham City, Batman was having a birthday party.

"I created two new gadgets for you," said Alfred. "One can teleport anything to another dimension and the other one can turn you invisible."

Batman's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Yup," said Alfred. "They both take 100 AA batteries to operate, however."

Batman cursed under his breath.

"Unless they're infused with a shard of everlasting tears, and they are," said Alfred, grinning.

"Good," said Batman.

"But the shard will dissolve into nothingness after 36 hours, I'm afraid," Alfred said.

Batman cursed again. "Why is it called 'everlasting' if it wears off so fast?" he said angrily.

"Because," Alfred said matter-of-factly, "it's a shard of everlasting _tears, _not everlasting _power._ So, see, it quickly runs out of power, making you sad. Get it?"

"Not really," said Batman. "Let's try them out."

"OK!" said Alfred. He pointed the alternate-reality teleporter at the invisibility device and pressed the button. It disappeared!

"WHY DID YOU MAKE THE INVISIBILITY DEVICE DISAPPEAR?" Batman roared. He looked ready to BIF BAM POW Alfred.

* * *

The answer to that question, however, is not important right now.

Meanwhile, in Peanuts world, a small object fell into Charlie Brown's hands. "What's this?" He looked at it. It looked like a pin with a bat-shaped button on it. He put it on. He pressed the button. He turned invisible!

"GAH!" said Charlie Brown. He pressed the button again. He turned visible!

He took it off and stared at it, awestruck. He didn't know how it came to fall into his hands, or even how it came to exist, but he soon realized it had fell into his hands for a reason.

Just then, he read what I just wrote of this chapter.

_OK, this is just a little cheap, _he thought. _C'mon, StoryMaker, could you really think of NOTHING better? _But in the end, it didn't matter. He pressed the invisibility button and ran after Shermy. He normally couldn't have caught up, but thankfully, a reaction between the shard of everlasting tears powering the device and Charlie Brown's mopey personality created a field of speeding-up energy that -

"AUUUGGGH!" yelled the readers, so I got rid of that part.

However, Charlie Brown nonetheless ran fast enough to see Shermy approaching the purple personalitifier. However, Charlie Brown saw that, curiously enough, there was _another _cardboard box next to the personalitifier! It was labeled, "InteRdamenshinal TelePortER".

* * *

_When you have to bring Batman into your _Peanuts _story that has _already _crossed-over with _Calvin and Hobbes, _you know you have a problem... xD_


	6. Real Chapter 5

_I changed my mind about reworking the story. I'm just going to plunge ahead. It's supposed to be a goofy story, anyway, so who cares if it's not perfect?_

_Oh, and, I apologize in advance if I goof up Calvin and/or Hobbes' personalities. Uh, maybe they got affected by some personalitifying energy or something._

* * *

Charlie Brown gasped. Shermy had just ran over to the now-purple personalitifier - but next to it was another cardboard box labeled "InteRdamenshinal TelePortER".

Shermy jumped into the cardboard box and tapped a button. The interdimensional teleporter disappeared!

"Great," moaned Charlie Brown. "_Now _what am I gonna do?"

Just then, the interdimensional teleporter reappeared!

"Oh, man!" Shermy grumbled. "This thing works a little funky sometimes." He pressed another button. _Whirr whirr whirr whirr whirr..._ "Come on, come on, teleport," grumbled Shermy.

Charlie Brown took this opportunity to jump into the box with Shermy! And using explanation points out of dialogue is lame, but who cares! Yes, there should be a question mark after that, but again, who cares!

"Hey, what are you doing?!" shouted Shermy. "My new personality is very protective of his property! _Nobody _goes in Shermy's cardboard box without Shermy's permiss -"

The interdimensional teleporter chose that moment to teleport. Conveniently, it made a _shunnnnnn! _sound as it teleported, finishing Shermy's word for him.

"UgGh!" Charlie Brown's stomach lurched. He felt as though he was being hurled through hyperspace, which makes sense, because that's what was happening. But it only lasted a second.

"Uhhh..." Charlie Brown was dizzy.

"I'm glad you're dizzy!" snarled Shermy. "It's what you deserve! That's karma for you, my friend! People always get what they deserv...uggh..." Shermy started feeling dizzy.

Just then, a kid with yellow hair that stuck up and pointed in every conceivable direction (not really, that would look pretty weird) walked into the room. "Aha! You're back!" he said. "A satisfied customer wanting to give me some extra money, I hope?"

"Nope!" said Shermy. "I'm here because the personalitifer you sold me purplefied."

"OOPS! That wasn't supposed to happen!" Calvin said in a not-very-convincing voice. "Don't worry, it'll only cost $50 to fix!"

"$50?! My life savings is 85 cents!" Shermy protested.

"Just for you, I'll lower the price to...$1!"

"That's still not within my price range," Shermy grumbled.

"Well, certainly you have ways of making money! Like...steal some from that kid over there!" He pointed to Charlie Brown.

"Good idea!" Shermy dug into Charlie Brown's pockets. "Mmm, a chocolate cream!" He shoved the candy into his mouth and continued to dig.

"Cut it out!" Charlie Brown said, shooing Shermy away. Then he turned to Calvin. "Calvin! I need to talk to you!"

"What about?"

"Two people have their personalities reversed, and I need to know how to return them to normal!"

"That's easy. I'll tell you for the incredibly low price of..." Calvin began, before being interrupted by Shermy.

"Wait a second, Charlie Brown! You...you...you're going to turn Lucy and Linus back to normal...SHATTERING my chances of developing a personality?!" He glared at C.B. "How could you? Huh! Some FRIEND you are."

"Shermy, don't you realizing what this whole quest for a personality has done to you? You've turned from a perfectly normal person into a selfish brat who's probably going to be forever indebted to another selfish brat..." He gestured to Calvin.

"Hey! I'm not a selfish brat! And if I am, it's not my fault! It's the way I was raised! It's fate! It's -"

"Hey, you're right, Charlie Brown! I think maybe this whole personalitifier thing was just a dumb way to make some cash off me."

"WHAT?!" Calvin screamed. "It's not dumb! It's brilliant! I mean, um, a brilliant invention, not a brilliant way to make cash! Though, that is a nice side affect..."

"You know what?" Shermy said. "Who needs a personality, anyway? Personalities are nothing but trouble! Before this stupid personality business, I was content. But then this Calvin guy swindled me! In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he manipulated me using personalitifying energy in order to get me to buy his dumb machine!"

"WHAT?! Wh-wh-why would _I _do that?!"

"Come on, Charlie Brown," Shermy said. "Let's go home."

* * *

By the time they came back home, Lucy's and Linus' personalities had already returned to their original hosts.

Needless to say, they weren't exactly thrilled with Shermy. He apologized - in a very normal, uninteresting, Shermylike way.

Or is that Shermious? Shermiful? Shermilicious? Shermiatic?

Well, anyway, the Van Pelts forgave Shermy a bit sooner than one might expect. For some reason, it's just hard to be mad at someone with so little personality.

Besides, he made amends by taking them on trips with his interdimensional teleporter. To universes in which everyone carries around security blankets and where Schroeder loves Lucy back.

_The end._

* * *

_"WHAT?! That's the end?!"  
_

_Um, yeah. Pretty weird, I know. But it just, uh, felt right somehow. Sort of. Still not sure it's a good idea, but...I just didn't know what more to write, and didn't feel like more was really _needed,_ so...I ended._

___The thing is, with goofy stories like this, you don't know what to expect from your own story. It could've gone in a myriad of directions. It could've been forty chapters long. Or it could've been a oneshot. It could've taken a more serious turn. It could've become even goofier. You never know with stories like this. But I hope you enjoyed the ride!_

_Go ahead and complain in a review and I will consider revising or writing a prologue.  
_


End file.
